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How to win her back
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TOPIC: How to win her back

How to win her back 1 year, 2 months ago #10849

Hi, I'm a European guy living and working in London. I would very much appreciate your advice about the break up by my Philippine girlfriend of our relationship 2 weeks ago. I'm heart broken, especially because I didn't expect it to happen Cry. So I would like to understand if there is a way of winning her back. It's a bit long, but interesting story. I am sure you will read some classical problems due to conflicting Western and Philippine points of view, so don't laugh too much please Wink I have just started to realize the Philippine way of courting a girl is so different. I had a Thai girlfriend in the past, so I knew a bit, but this is very different Huh

I met Maria (34) in June on Tinder in London because she was on a 2 month holiday in London. She is originally from Davao, but lives both in Singapore and back in Manila. I invited her out and we had a nice dinner at a Japanese cocktail bar/restaurant. As she was staying just outside London I brought her to the train after dinner. There she hugged me, so I realized she actually liked me (I'm a bit naif in those things). I liked her as well because she was funny and intelligent. So we agreed on a 2nd date. A few days later we had a pick-nick in Hyde Park, where we kissed a little bit. And only that afternoon I realized how extremely pretty she was. During the dinner, due to the fact we were sitting on chairs halfway under the table, I just hadn't noticed Roll Eyes
Since then we dated for about a month in London. She indicated she didn't have money. So being a good guy, I paid for dinners, bought here some clothes or a present every now and then and gave her one of my laptop when hers broke down. We went to bed once in that period, but didn't go 'all the way'. And she asked me for £3,000 to pay something for a friend. I would get it back in 2 days. So I trusted her. However, after 2 days she said I could only get it back by using a debit card getting £300 for 10 days out of the cash machine. I didn't like that, because I had trusted her. So she gave me £2,000 in cash and said the other £1,000 would come later. And she said she was now a single girl. So this was the 1st time we broke up. I was very disappointed. Bought her a rose and a nice Gucci belt that evening. So 2 days later we were back together. But it wasn't dating like with a Western girl...

Maria had quite a few beautiful Filipina friends who were also staying alone in London for holiday. Most of them were married to millionaire European guys living in Singapore or the Philippines. She went out with these female friends quite a lot for dinner, to the top restaurants in London. Some of them where I had even never been. And it was always quite difficult to get hold of her. Making appointments was difficult. And when I met her she was always late. But most important of all I felt she didn't kiss 'from the heart', with her tongue. When I told her, she started using her tongue when kissing, but I noted still just superficially, not from the heart.

So I asked her about her feelings for me. She said she did have feelings for me, but she told me she had been cheated on by her English boyfriend 1.5 years ago when they were living together in Singapore. They'd been together for 5 years. And she said the same thing had happened with her previous boyfriend, also after 5 years. So I thought her trust in men must be pretty low. And that that would be the reason why she could commit herself to intimacy, like proper kissing with me (yet). I felt very sorry for her and figured what she needed was time and a decent guy supporting her and showing her there are still decent men. She also told me her ex was very rich and she was a spoilt brat.

Beginning of August Maria had to go back home for work. So we decided I would join her and we could have a short holiday in the Philippines. Because she had enough points we were both upgraded to business class on the flight. However, we didn't sit next to each other. Fortunately, the seat next to me was empty, so I suggested that she could come next to me during the flight. But she said she had to work on her laptop and she didn't come to sit next to me at all. After landing I indicated I found it a bit strange she didn't Huh
That evening we went out with her friends in BGC. One of the female friends asked me to go for a smoke with her, but I returned 2 minutes later (I don't smoke). But 15 minutes later, when walking to another bar, Maria said to that female that she could hold my hand if she wanted. I thought this was typical behavior of Maria, because of being cheated on in the past, where her trust of any man or woman is zero. And we went on a short, nice holiday to the Shangri-La resort in Boracay, where 'obviously' I paid everything Wink. We had a good time, but still no intimacy from her side (please note I never insisted on it!). The last 2 days of our holiday was in Singapore. She showed me the city, but no intimacy either. She then had to go to Dubai for a week for business. So the last evening, when I brought her to the airport and at the airport itself I felt the atmosphere between us had improved and we said goodbye in a very nice way. She apologized for some of her behavior. So I stayed one more day in Singapore, before flying home to London, with a very good feeling about us.

However, when she was in Dubai it was almost impossible to speak to her. Every time she said she had meetings or dinners. Only after 4 days I could speak briefly with her, but she said she didn't have much time because her friends were waiting for her to go for dinner. My feelings were quite hurt, as I felt I was absolutely no priority for her. And that after we had said goodbye a week earlier in such a nice way!

So when she was back home I asked her using WhatsApp if she wanted to continue our relationship. Perhaps she didn't like me. Or maybe she had met another person. Or she was too busy with work. If she didn't want to continue, I would understand. But she said again she had feelings for me. And implied she wanted to continue. I was very happy.

The next day she asked me if I wanted to help her with £5,000 for a mortgage. I though about it. All my friends said she is only after my money. But I did give it to her. Because I believed her she had feelings for me. And I had the money. And I had fallen deeply in love with her.

The next 2 weeks we spoke on WhatsApp. And decided for me to return to Manila for seeing each other but only for 4 days. Because she had to go to New York and Dubai in 3 weeks and otherwise we wouldn't see each other for 1.5 month. And because it had been her birthday in those 2 weeks. We would spend 2 days in Manila and then fly together to Singapore for 2 days. But when I arrived in Manila she said to me she had already booked her flight that same evening to Singapore. Because of work. I was so disappointed. Because we then only had 1 day together in Manila. But even more because she hadn't discussed this with me. I asked her 'where is the respect?'. That day we spend some of it together but she was a bit cold. The next evening, when I flew to Singapore, I found her in our hotel room already sleeping. The next morning I had a surprise for her. Her birthday present. A nice ring with some diamonds. But she wasn't very happy. The ring was not to her liking. She said she had to go to work to 1 meeting and would be back at noon time. She asked what I wanted to do and I said to go to the park. Because I wanted to talk to her about our relationship. However, I waited until 1.30pm and then received a message from her she had another meeting until 4pm. I was again so disappointed. That evening we walked a bit in Singapore and had a simple dinner, but the feeling was neutral. And the next day the same, she had meetings. So I said to her we should at least have dinner together, because I said I felt she wanted to break up with me. We had dinner, and I cried, which she saw, because I felt so bad. But when talking we got into a good mood and then did a bit of shopping for her and when she was packing her bag she danced to the music in the room showing her new clothes. So we ended up having a good time again. Also when I brought her to the airport for her to fly to New York and when saying goodbye. She apologized again for some of her behavior and confirmed we 'were good again'. So I had a very good feeling again.

The next week she was in NY for business. During her period in NY I didn't try to WhatsApp her too much, as I knew from when she was in Dubai she is very busy and focused. But when I tried every time she decline to call because she was busy or had dinners. Only on the way to the airport to fly to Dubai she called me. She was tired and couldn't speak long. She told me one of her employees had given her a present. Initially it was supposed to be an iPhone 7. But she didn't want to tell me what she actually had received. And again, I was so puzzled and disappointed. When you have a serious relationship you don't keep secrets for each other I thought.

Then a day after she had arrived in Dubai she said she could potentially fly back to Manila in a few days via London and stay for a few days. Which of course I liked. But it didn't happen.

Then a day later, when we were joking a bit on WhatsApp she wrote 'Bye'. I thought it mean good night or something. But the next day, after I sent her photo of London, she said she had meant it. I asked her what had she meant. She said 'Bye'. Then I realized she had broke up again. I asked her if we could speak about it, because I didn't understand and was heart broken. But she said we couldn't. I then wrote her a long email asking her to explain. Finally she wrote me on WhatsApp she couldn't commit herself to a relationship. Due to her busy work. And because of her past with her exes cheating (implying she couldn't emotionally bond just yet). I was so disappointed Cry. Because she broke up. Because she did via WhatsApp. Because she didn't want to speak about it. And because exactly a month earlier I had asked her if she wanted to continue the relationship because I thought she wanted to break up because she was too busy and because of her past.

I then asked her for the mortgage money back and the ring. But she said I had given it so I should not ask it back and she couldn't find the ring. I then suggested to her she had only continued the relationship a month ago to ask me for the mortgage money and that she lied about losing the ring. She then blocked me on WhatsApp.

I was so devastated Cry. Luckily, a good female friend of hers was in London, so 3 days ago we spoke for an evening about it. She told me that I made a lot of Western mistakes. And if I wanted to win her back I should't have asked the money and ring back (being calculative like a Western person) nor should I have accused her of misleading me for money. I should think the Philippine way, being happy that I could have helped her with the money and give her the ring. She said the only goal I should have is to win her back. By being nice to her, because maybe in a some time she would think that actually I am quite a nice guy and contact me again. However, yesterday she said I should forget about Maria. Because Maria is a top, top, top class girl who will only go for a millionaire. Love is not important, only money and her family. In other words, she will only go for a relationship with a really rich guy and if there is no love so be it. Again, as you will understand, I was so disappointed about her saying that.

So the questions I now have are the following:
1. Was Maria ever sincere about having feelings for me but was she just checking me out and still too hurt to show her emotions to me, or did she just play me like a professional to have a good time in London, and have a holiday in Boracay?
2. Is there a chance to win her back and how? I mean, I understand I should not contact her for some time to give her some time and space to think about everything.
3. Was her female friend giving me the right advice to let her keep the money and ring, or did she only say that because she is a friend of Marie who will of course say that I should let Maria keep the money and ring.
4. Could it be true Maria, with all her beauty, intelligence and humor will only go for millionaires? I mean, is it quite common for 'top' girls not to care about who they love but only go for money. In the western world that does happen occasionally, but not a lot. The main concept about a relationship is that it is build on love, not money.

Apologies for the long story, but I hope you found it interesting and recognize certain aspects/behaviors and can advice me what to do next. I am planning to be in Singapore and Manila in 3 weeks for about a month, so if you have tips how to win her back (if you feel there is a chance) that would be much appreciated!!
  • rico
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Re: How to win her back 1 year, 2 months ago #10850

Do your best to win her back
  • yeng
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Re: How to win her back 1 year, 2 months ago #10851

Sounds like your inlove to the girl

I suggest try and try until you succeed
  • angel
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Re: How to win her back 1 year, 1 month ago #10855

Thank you for your response!

Until now we are still not in good situation.

I'm hoping she will return back to me...
  • rico
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